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But at all other times my behaviour is exemplary.’ ‘I quite believe that,’ said Fenton, wondering how far she was prepared to go with him that evening. If he walked away within minutes, and his effort to help save the cinema turned sour, little harm would be done: she’d simply think he was a bastard and fight until she and her buddies had to admit defeat. But if he went to bed with her and the project turned to custard she’d feel betrayed, he wouldn’t want that to happen because she might turn out to be the one he should take to the altar. It was time he was happily married and planning and real future. She turned at the top of the narrow stairway, face flushed. ‘Trinity.’ That’s all he said but he saw her eyes widen. Being a bright lady she’d caught his tone and his face mapped his as yet unexpressed concern. ‘You want to say no?’ Fenton smiled, scratching behind his ear and then reaching for her hand, watching her body language that rejected engagement but then that was. Letting our kids play outside all day, in the sun, getting filthy while we sit and drink holding hands and just existing. Cleaning them up for bed and then making love like rabbits for hours after they have fallen asleep.It's so very dangerous to lose yourself in dreams. The hope and happiness you find there are not comforting but agonizing. Turning to ash in your mouth.Another cure for this particular type of heartbreak is to just avoid all the mounting reality-based problems and enjoy the now. Instead of tormenting myself thinking about you being unwilling to leave, I should avoid that and enjoy the warmth of your hands, or the taste of your lips on mine. Small victories. This method works until the build-up of all the small dreams creates a chaotic restlessness deep inside of you.Restlessness is another issue entirely I believe I should focus on in detail later. It’s the blue-balls of relationships of all kinds. Everything could be going great and then all of a sudden, you find.
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